Despite what you think, you don’t own the road, moron!

Do the dickheads that drive oversized and overpowered Dodge Ram pickups sign a contractual obligation with the Chrysler people that state they must at all times tailgate the vehicle immediately in front of them?

I only mention this because not even an hour ago I am tootling along the road in my little Nissan sportscar going off to take Max walkies. I look in the rearview and there dominating the scene is that stupid Ram sheephead logo. A friend and I just had a conversation two days ago in which he said if somebody is tailgating you and you look in the rearview you will see that fucking ram head. 

So, back to my trip. As I say, I see the sheephead and then I see the car in front of me with his left signal on indicating he is making a, yes, lefthand turn. But, there are cars coming the other way so he must wait. Good driver that I am (and I am a good driver) I stop well behind the chap turning. I look in my mirror and the fucking Ram is approaching me at a speed indicating he must believe he has 40 unimpeded miles before him. I literally brace myself because I have nowhere to veer off to avoid him I then hear a huge screech of brakes and his front end veers to the right so he can avoid hitting me. I mutter a few descriptive terms indicating my thoughts on his sexual predilections, and somewhat shaken continue on my way. 

So, what is it with these morons in the huge pickups? And why do they feel they’re entitled to tailgate – especially tailgate smaller cars. Do they get erections when they watch the mucho macho Ram commercials on television that feature the guy with the growly voice late of monster truck stadium shows?

Well, according to my friend, and who am I to refute his wisdom, about those erections and the drivers of big pickups – especially Rams, yes I’m singling you out because of my recent experience – ‘the bigger the truck, the smaller the dick.’

Works for me.

If you are a Ram driver and didn’t like this blog – bite me. Just don’t tailgate me.


12 responses to “Despite what you think, you don’t own the road, moron!

  1. “If you are a Ram driver and didn’t like this blog…” prove me wrong and drive safely!

  2. So true! Also applicable to the ornament-type, not-very-bright women who are the second wives of rich guys and tailgate while driving BMW/ Porsche/ Cadillac/ Mercedes/ etc. SUVs or crossovers. (Well, applicable except for the parts about the erections and tiny dicks, of course.)

  3. Linda: I think Ram driver and driving safely are contradictory.
    Pinklea: Oh yes, dear sister, that is a whole other category and good that you pointed that ilk out — minus erections and tiny dicks and all.

  4. The people that I’ve personally known that tailgate all seem to have some vision problems. Maybe they just shouldn’t drive! As for the man part comparison, we say that about giant trucks and brightly colored expensive sports cars. What color is your sports car? ; )

  5. Darling, it’s proven fact that the size of the vehicle is directly proportional to the size of the sexual insecurities.


  6. @Jazz,
    My husband drives a Prius!!

  7. And I drive a l’il Nissan NX2000. Oh, and Geewits, it is black.

  8. We get the same sort of thing in England with the big SUV’s. I also drive a little car and these big ugly machines come up so close – but I’ve driven in France and if I can cope with the French behind the wheel then I can cope with anything!

  9. I feel your pain, however, I have noticed a very high percentage of people who tail gate me and other seriously obnoxious and dangerous road behavior are BMW drivers. The dealership must issue certificates with purchase that show total entitlement to the road.

  10. Maybe you can get a little pop-up eensy-peensie that works in concert with your brake light. If they’re not tailgating, they won’t see it anyway.

  11. I think ‘how to tailgate’ must be an essential part of the French driving test…together with ‘overtaking on the brow of a hill and pulling in sharply one centimetre ahead of the car you are overtaking when another overtaking nutter appears over the crest’.
    I wanted a tank when living in France…preferably with a cannon.

  12. There is a certain stretch of road in this town that I see as a sort of test, revealing the dickishness of the driver — the road in question (which is quite busy) is a double lane, into a curve, that almost immediately merges into one lane. If a person speeds up towards the curve so that they can cut people off in the merge, then VOILA! They are a dick. (And so very, very often, they are also driving a huge truck….)

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