Into each life some crappiness must fall

I know people who, on a daily basis, make out a ‘gratitude list’, in which they write down all the things for which they, on that day, are grateful. It’s a nice enough idea, you know, positive-thinking and all that. And there is no question that I have many things in my life for which I am immensely grateful, and the mere fact they are part of me makes me feel blessed.

But isn’t there also a need for balance, for reality in our lives?. Sometimes I think we in contemporary society have too much of an impulse to seek only “happy endings” to everything, rather than preparing ourselves to go face-on with those other realities — the crappy ones. Life is, after all, a trade-off. There must be a ‘yang’ to our ‘yin’ or we wouldn’t be strong enough to cope.

Bearing that in mind I, in a spirit of public blogger service, am about to help those who don’t seek to be wrapped up in puffy cotton, some of the things we must contend with — things that demand we expand our coping resolve. Don’t worry, they can only make you stronger and firmer in your resolve to never let the bastards grind you down.

Here are some of my personal betes noire

* Snoring bedmates; snoring people in the next room; the next house; in extreme cases, one street over.

* Accidentally blocking the toilet in somebody else’s house, with the anxiety level rising proportionately if it is the toilet of a new love, your boss, prospective parents-in-law, or if the toilet just will not stop running and the water level is rising ominously. Ironically, this is always an ‘accidental’ happenstance. I don’t think anybody ever blocks a toilet on purpose. Oh, maybe Charlie Sheen, but that’s about it.

* Slopping coffee, tea or a drink directly onto your crotch area.

* Spilling a hot drink on somebody else. I once did that on a train in England. As I passed through from the vestibule the train suddenly lurched an my coffee went right to the most tender parts of a lady sitting there. She screeched, but was fairly understanding. I felt like crap. I still suffer from memories of that incident.

* Having to provide a ‘specimen’. Having to produce one in the doctor’s office because you forgot to bring one with you. Having to hand that specimen to a nurse who turns out to be someone you had a huge crush on in high school or college. But, at least the pee specimen is easier to produce than the one that has to be mustered at a fertility clinic.

* Stubbing your toe, biting your tongue or cheek, bumping your head. No dignity here, just excruciating pain.

* Waiting up for someone who should have been home hours earlier.

* Responding to the smile or wave of somebody fantastic looking on the street only to find, to your mortification, their wave was directed at the person behind you.

* Being caught in traffic gridlock and really, really having to pee.

* Nearing the end of a four lane highway stretch only to find you are stuck behind an oil-burning ’57 Rambler or the largest RV ever manufactured, that is being driven by the oldest guy on record who still possesses a driver’s license.

* Being in unrequited love. This is almost as distressing as being the object of somebody else’s unrequited love. Or, maybe even worse or potentially more destructive, being in love with somebody you are not supposed to have those feelings about.

* Flashing red and blue lights in the rear-view mirror, or a cop car going in the opposite direction that makes a U-turn on the highway immediately after you pass by knowing well you were going at least 20-per over the posted speed.

* Arriving in Levis and sweatshirt and realizing everybody else is in formal.

* Motel bathrooms with walls so thin you can hear somebody tearing off toilet paper (or tending to functions) in the abutting bathroom in the next unit. Also, motel bedrooms with equally paper-thin walls that abut other bedrooms.

*And, as we’re being scatological, a lovesick 17-year-old boy on his first date with a huge crushee and is standing on her doorstep hoping for a kiss when he inadvertently breaks wind,

* The sounds of sirens at any time, but especially at 3 a.m. They can only mean something bad has happened to someone.

* Virtually all governments, at any level.

*Lifestyle questionnaires that indicate you should have died five years ago.

What are some of yours? Everybody else is itching to know


5 responses to “Into each life some crappiness must fall

  1. Someone trying to hand you the raw prawn of a deal which is clearly dodgy and is going to cost you, who detects the lack of delight on your part and asks in an injured fashion
    ‘But don’t you trust me?’

    I get tired of replying
    ‘Not as far as I can kick you.’

  2. We have several of the same bêtes noires.

    You’re right about things being so sugar coated these days. Whatever happened to just sucking it up and dealing with whatever?

  3. I can’t stand hearing other people’s loud music/TV/conversations/etc past 10 pm whenever I have my windows open. I dislike noisy breathing (mine or anyone else’s). People who don’t turn off their mobile phones in theatres/ auditoriums/etc should be drawn and quartered. Clutter drives me up and down the wall. So does not closing blinds or curtains in the house at night. I could go on, but I’m getting agitated just THINKING of more stuff!

  4. I’ve tried, but I can’t for the life of me imagine what it must be like to have to produce a sperm sample at a medical office. As for your question, I think I’m a lot like Pinklea in that I get irritated by a lot of stuff, but I think number one on my list is people who are in my way: people who stand on escalators; people who stand in front of doorways I’m trying to get through; cars that stand in the crosswalk so I can’t cross the street; people who walk 3 abreast on a sidewalk so no one can get by; people in supermarket check-out lines who are suddenly surprised that they have to pay for their groceries and take forever hunting for money or their bank card…..etc., etc.

  5. I ate at a restaurant last week where I could hear the actual conversation of the kitchen staff working in the adjacent room… while I used the bathroom.

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