The end is nigh folks. The Rapture is upon us tomorrow. Watch out for locust torrents and widely-scattered toads to fall from the skies. The same skies into which the righteous are going to be sucked by a celestial Dyson vacuum cleaner. The rest of us are going to be left down below festering amongst the toads and locusts. And the rest of us are going to be vast in numbers, whereas the sucked away are going to be few.
Pisses me off because tomorrow is the beginning of a long weekend here in Canada. But, it’s worse for my American brethren because you’re going to miss the Memorial Day weekend entirely, since all will be gone.
Furthermore for me, I am heading out on vacation, so that sucks even more. I’d like to ask Rapture Guy, Harold Camping if the whole mess couldn’t be deferred for say three weeks when I’m back in my own bed and therein to await salvation (ha!) or damnation (well, duh).
I haven’t really checked out the Book of Revelation lately, as probably haven’t a number of us apostates, but I do recall it foretells of a lot of bad shit a-comin’ down on that fateful day. Well, I’d always thought it would be far in the future, and at least not on a weekend, for crissake.
But Harold would have it otherwise. Mind you, old Harold has been wrong before and that was only because he suggests he miscalculated and this time he’s on top of it.
Am I worried? Well, I am a bit of a worrywart at the best of times but somehow I feel, since ‘endgame’ has been predicted about 47,876 times since the beginning of history, by virtually every culture on the planet, I think the odds are still on our side that the ball of mud will still be intact come Monday.
But, just to be on the safe side, I have applied to change my house number from 666. Can never be too cautious. Meanwhile, see you up there or down here. Hint: Better parties down here.