Where you gonna be when the Rapture comes; and come it will?

The end is nigh folks. The Rapture is upon us tomorrow. Watch out for locust torrents and widely-scattered toads to fall from the skies. The same skies into which the righteous are going to be sucked by a celestial Dyson vacuum cleaner. The rest of us are going to be left down below festering amongst the toads and locusts. And the rest of us are going to be vast in numbers, whereas the sucked away are going to be few.

Pisses me off because tomorrow is the beginning of a long weekend here in Canada. But, it’s worse for my American brethren because you’re going to miss the Memorial Day weekend entirely, since all will be gone.

Furthermore for me, I am heading out on vacation, so that sucks even more. I’d like to ask Rapture Guy, Harold Camping if the whole mess couldn’t be deferred for say three weeks when I’m back in my own bed and therein to await salvation (ha!) or damnation (well, duh).

I haven’t really checked out the Book of Revelation lately, as probably haven’t a number of us apostates, but I do recall it foretells of a lot of bad shit a-comin’ down on that fateful day. Well, I’d always thought it would be far in the future, and at least not on a weekend, for crissake.

But Harold would have it otherwise. Mind you, old Harold has been wrong before and that was only because he suggests he miscalculated and this time he’s on top of it.

Am I worried? Well, I am a bit of a worrywart at the best of times but somehow I feel, since ‘endgame’ has been predicted about 47,876 times since the beginning of history, by virtually every culture on the planet, I think the odds are still on our side that the ball of mud will still be intact come Monday.

But, just to be on the safe side, I have applied to change my house number from 666. Can never be too cautious. Meanwhile, see you up there or down here. Hint: Better parties down here.

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11 responses to “Where you gonna be when the Rapture comes; and come it will?

  1. Par-TAYYY!

  2. Wow, our car plates read 666. I’m doomed ain’t I?

    Had I known it was now rather than 12-12-12 I would’ve foregone doing all those renos and all the headaches that come with… Damn.

  3. aaauuugghhh!!! We’re all gonna DIE!!!!

    (Ian…have you noticed that I have used this same comment response before?)

  4. So my dilemma is: should I clean the house and do the laundry so that all is tidy and I have clean underwear for the coming apocalypse, or should I just stay in bed all day finish that bottle of vodka that’s taking up all that space in my freezer?

  5. So the blasted sister in law got in wrong again…she was working to the Mayan Calendar and thought she had another year….
    And is she’s going up, I’m going the other way…

  6. Oh I was quite looking forward to all the hullaboo but it seems to have passed by oh so quietly. I bet Mr Camping feels a bit silly….

  7. We were right in the middle of Boy’s birthday party when we were supposed to be raptured. Not one single guest disappeared. Which is too bad, cause this one moron nearly burned our diningroom down and ruined my candlestick in the process. Whoever is supposed to be in charge of…uhm…rapturing, is asleep on the job, I tell ya.

  8. I used to work at an advertising agency at 666 5th Ave, NYC, also known as the Tischman Building.

    I knew I wouldn’t be Raptured, but I hoped the traffic would thin out here.

  9. I am so glad that the Rapture has been postponed for 5 months, we can deal with some unfinished business, right?

  10. Since you have not written since May 20, perhaps you were carried away in the rapture.

  11. Still here. Un-raptured. Just away on vacation and taking a break. Be back soon.

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