God gave you hair, so damn well use it!

While I’m not feeling particularly curmudgeonly today, I still felt it behooved me to hold forth in highly-opinionated manner on a particular topic. If my criticism of a certain fashion mode applies to you, and you are a person I think well of otherwise, then please disregard it and move on to something else to divert your time.

In my esteem there are only four reasons for a man to be hairless:

  1. He actually is hairless, as in bald. Genetics. What are you gonna do? My dad was in baldness denial all his life, and I believe personally that he invented the comb-over long before Trump’s day.
  2. He has been undergoing chemotherapy. That’s a tough one and I will certainly only extend huge sympathy.
  3. He suffers from alopecia (complete hair loss). Another of those things that happens to some.
  4. He is Yul Brynner or Telly Savalas. Were you in The King and I or on Kojak? If not, cut it out, damn it.

Otherwise, God gave you hair. Live with it. This particular mini-rant is concerned with the vogue of the past few years for males – especially of a certain youthful to middle-aged grouping, but not exclusively confined to that demographic – to sheer off their God-given follicles. Sorry, but I detest the look and immediately form a judgment about a shaven headed dude approaching me in a dark side-street or alleyway.

I immediately assume he is approaching me to do me harm. The shorn head gives him that bearing because traditionally the only people who had shaved heads were convicts.

Today, in my esteem, the only people who have shaved heads are the aforementioned convicts, drug dealers and pimps. Anybody who doesn’t fall into those categories is a ‘wannabe’. It’s kind of like tattoos. Traditionally the only people sporting tats were sailors, convicts and Maoris. Not oddly at all, guys with shaved heads also often are adorned in tattoos.

So, what is this ‘thug chic’ that prevails? Why would somebody want to type themselves in a fashion sense as an antisocial individual? I mean, adolescents always want to shock with their dress and style. That’s one of the tiresome facets of being an adolescent. But, if you haven’t grown out of teenage ways by, say, age 22 then you are dealing with arrested development and should be getting some therapy.

But, aside from the antisocial menace message a shaved head gives, it is also esthetically unappealing. For the same reason most of us should wear clothing much of the time, we have a head covering of hair to hide lumps, bumps, scars and other bits of disagreeability that a shaven head exposes.

Of course, I am very happy that I have been allowed by genetics or whatever to keep a full head of hair throughout, so I can afford to be smug about this.




12 responses to “God gave you hair, so damn well use it!

  1. I am so with you on this one, Ian, probably because Matthew is defying the trend, despite the urging of his off-springs to ‘get with it, Dad’. It seems that by shaving, they expect the world will credit them with a full head of hair if they hadn’t shaved.
    I actually put it in the same camp as not shaving for 3-4 days and expecting to look sexy, works at 20 seomthing, not so much at 50 something!!

  2. You are wrong wrong wrong and you know why? Because you have a full head of hair. Male pattern baldness takes many forms and shapes and most of them are not attractive at all. I think it is quite ballsy for a guy who is losing his hair to just take it all the way. And in this century it has nothing to do with trying to be antisocial. It’s quite fashionable, in fact it’s very fashionable and when and if the thinning hair on my husband’s head starts to look ridiculous, he is going to go for it. And I will be cheering him on. Yes, you are being smug about this. Enjoy your hair. Not every guy gets that opportunity.

    • Dear friend Geewits, my tongue was planted firmly in cheek when I wrote this and in no way intended to offend anyone’s sensibilities. Wendy has actually asked me what I would do if I had male pattern baldness since she, like you, thinks head shaving is quite appropriate and sensible. But, I have said I sould just accept the course of nature and stick with my fringe. Unlike what you stated, I don’t find normal baldness particularly unattractive.

  3. Shaven heads repel me…must be the convict connection.

    The Neighbour…resident pest…has shaved his head because the local ladies hair salon put up the price of dying his hair black…he looks even less atrractive than before.

    And as for tattoos…Mr. Fly’s father told him when he was young that having a tatttoo was a mark of stupidity…
    ‘Why give the police even more of a chance of catching you…’

    • Your point on tattoos is well-taken. When I was counselling addicts I would say to them they should avoid body-art of any kind since it makes them so easily identifiable. But, such people are generally incapable of clear thinking.

  4. Today, in my esteem, the only people who have shaved heads are the aforementioned convicts, drug dealers and pimps. Anybody who doesn’t fall into those categories is a ‘wannabe’.

    And here we differ. I quite like a shaved head, personally. Traditionally, shaved heads and tats were for convicts. Times and traditions change. Tats have gone mainstream, as has the shaved head.

  5. I don’t understand it either. It’s hugely high maintenance; what with regular head shavings in the morning before work. It’s like having a extended chin and stubble. Also visits to the barber and no doubt sun blocker.

    Mind you there’s nothing worse that hair denial. Those poor souls whose hair is sparse but insist on growing what remains extra long and layering it to cover the extensive acreage of hairless skin. We call it a “Bobby Charlton” over here; in recognition of that great MUFC footballer who often tripped over his dangling locks just as he was about to score.

  6. “Thug chic”. 🙂 Can I use this?

    My husband shaved his head for the first seven years of our marriage, despite the ability to grow a full head of hair. The problem? Every time he grows it out, it grows straight out from the scalp until it gets heavy enough to fall over, which usually means he walks around looking somewhat electrified for quite a while…


  7. ‘Thug chic’ is yours, dahling. Use it in good health, as I know you will. So, is head-stubble more or less appealing than face stubble? Hmm.

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