Do you think maybe it’s time to give Hallowe’en back?

I think grown-ups need to get the hell out of Halloween festivities, that’s what I think. If there is one festive day of the year that is designed just with children in mind, it is All-Hallows-Eve with all of its ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties and things that go bump in the night.

Christmas doesn’t count as a kids’ fest because it’s largely for everyone and especially for merchants of stuff nobody needs or wants but will go into debt over, regardless.

So, leave ‘em Halloween for heaven’s sake, and butt out.

Yet, I look at the papers over the past few days and espy the interference of those parental and educational bodies that can and must stick their unwelcome oars in. It hasn’t been sufficient for them to completely wimpify playgrounds or to demand that educational authorities provide ever-expanding drop-off/pickup areas near schools so that the delicate little sugar-frosting darlings can be driven to and from school even if they live a block distant.

No, this year it seems, even more than most, Halloween is being assailed and methodically sterilized. It was a trend that began with UNICEF. A few years ago kids were charged by their uber-liberal parents to bring around wee baskets so they could score donations for this particular arm of an increasingly dubious and hypocritical organization. Well, for shame, UNICEF folks. And I assure you that no kid got a brass farthing for us. Candy, yes — donations, no. We make our own charitable donations (and we do), thenkyou.

But, in today’s newspaper there was the item concerning a couple of schools in the Canadian city of Calgary advising their wee charges to not opt for ‘scary’ costumes, but instead to choose ‘caring’ costumes. WTF is a caring costume?

Lessee, this is Calgary. That caring city that is home of the ‘Stampede.’ Perhaps a caring costume could be dressing the kid like one of the vets that euthanizes yet another of the horses horribly injured in that disgusting chuckwagon race each year. And we dare to criticize the Spaniards and Mexicans for bullfights while we persist with this. Yeah, that vet costume would be a caring one.

What else that would appeal to a kid costume-wise? A teacher? A nurse? A social worker? Those are pretty caring callings. Yet, they aren’t too stimulating. I suppose a firefighter might qualify. Yet, what about a soldier? I can hear the PC forces groaning at that one. I kinda thought hooker might work as well, since such ladies provide care of a sort. But, probably not what they had in mind.

In the same paper I read how dentists and doctors are warning about the perils of candy overdoses. You know, tooth rot and diabetes in the greedy little porkers.

Then I read another little featurette that pondered the agonizing question of how old must the kid be before he/she is to be able to go trick-or-treating on their own. “Is my 10-year-old old enough?” For gawd’s sake, I would have been so mortified at age 10 to have Mom tagging along with me. We left the place with the caveat to “Watch out for hidden razor blades in the candy apples – ha-ha-ha!” and that was it. We were on our own to score. And we’d travel in a gang of urchins, and we never-ever ran into a deviant prepared to prey on us – or a hidden razorblade, for that matter.

Time to give Halloween back, in my esteem.






14 responses to “Do you think maybe it’s time to give Hallowe’en back?

  1. I would have to agree wholeheartedly. Adults like to suck the fun out of absolutely everything, as they are funsuckers. Leave the kiddies be!

  2. Right on, Mr. Writeon

  3. Or maybe we could just scrap Halloween altogether. I mean, personally, I’m not participating in it this year. But then, I’m an adult, with many, many Halloweens behind me. As a kid, that suggestion would have horrified me (more than a scary movie, even!). So yes, I suppose we should just back away slowly and let the youngsters have their fun.

  4. “Care-giving Costumes”!? Give me a break! Bring out your zombies, pirates, hippies, ghosts, goblins, witches. And yes, by all means, adults stop meddling in it all. Like you Ian, we too ranged the ‘hood with nary a scary encounter and sans parents. Nary a razor blade in a single apple either!
    BTW this has to be the most polite group of T&Ters I’ve ever had! Up to 60 children too! This year is a delight. I run out of treats at 120!

    • Yeah, isn’t care-giving costumes sick-headed and fucking self-involved on the part of a bunch of killjoy weenies. You got 60 kids! We got 10. I am feeling slighted and hurt. Sort of like being turned down for a date.

  5. Care giving costumes…yes, given the outcome of a survey of care of the elderly in U.K. hospitals, Dracula suits would seem appropriate…

  6. This was the first year with lots of kids, no “too old to do this kids” and no “look at my cute baby, the candy is for me” people. I enjoyed it this year.
    If everyone would watch Meet Me In St. Louis they’d remember how Halloween is supposed to work.

    • I love Meet me In St. Louis. It’s probably in my top-5 favorite films. Brilliant suggestion, and Margaret O’Brien was (and this is not a word I use loosely) adorable.

  7. What?! I thought it had already been replaced with “dress like a slut” day!


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