Politics and I make strange bedfellows; but so do Scarlett Johansson and I, much to my chagrin


I’ve never run for public office. This revelation may surprise you. No, not really, but what might surprise you is that I’ve actually been asked in the past. I won’t elaborate on the circumstances.

But, I have never even remotely considered running for office for about 3,798 reasons (approximately). But, I think my primary reason is I don’t like people to be mad at me. If I were actually elected to office then I would go around trying to please everybody. You know, sort of like Obama.  Doesn’t really work.

Maybe it’s better to be like Nixon and have everybody think you’re a completely unrepentant shit. But then you’d have to see that stubble in the mirror every morning and also be married to Pat of the unwavering tightlipped semi-smile.

Anyway, I come to this topic because today is local election day. I feel a small sense of jubilation only in the sense that tomorrow will be the first non-election day in a while and that evokes a sense of relief.

Now, this being a relatively small community and me having been in the media biz for more years than I’d care to remember – no, really, I still can actually remember how many and that’s a relief, I just don’t ‘care’ to remember – I know a lot of the candidates personally and a goodly number of the boys and girls are seemingly honorable folk. I don’t agree with all of them philosophically or even in terms of their skill-sets, but no crooks or gangsters seem to be in their numbers. This isn’t provincial politics, after all. And don’t get me started on the feds.

What has thwarted me from being a political aspirant is twofold: one, I bore easily and when you have to get into stuff like budgets and so forth (actually, I wish a few more ‘successful’ politicians would get into budgets in terms of developing some understanding of money-in/money-out, but that’s just me), and two, I’m kind of philosophically eclectic. You see, I don’t subscribe to any one belief set.

(By the way, the accompanying photo of Scarlett J is entirely gratuitous but sort of ties in with the title of this piece)

In terms of social ills, I am the soppiest, wettest, most sympathetic bastard on the planet. “Let me put my hand on your head and heeeaaal you, brother. Praise Jaysuss!” Mrs. Thatcher would have hated me. But in other realms, in terms of social responsibility I am big on bringing back the lash for miscreants and scofflaws. Especially those that would disturb my sleep with loud motorcycle pipes. See, inconsistent.

Actually, there is a further element that keeps me from politics, and that is that I abhor meetings, and it seems that politicians – the successful ones –- have to go to a whale of a lot of meetings.

There are, of course, always allegations of graft and corruption as ascribed to policies. So, if I got into that I’d be a failure too. I don’t lie so good. And all they’d have to do is get Wendy to interrogate me in any investigation – and she would give me ‘that look’ and use ‘that tone of voice’ – and I’d be off to join Bernie Madoff.






8 responses to “Politics and I make strange bedfellows; but so do Scarlett Johansson and I, much to my chagrin

  1. All good reasons for not getting involved in the political life, Ian! Totally agree with all your points. I’d hate to be hated and would because I’d try and please everyone as well. “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions”. I also, bore far too easily. I doubt I’d last a day. It really is a thankless job and it is a good thing that there are some decent politicians out there. I never want to be a politician but I always exercise my right to vote.

    • Like peas in a pod we are about this, dear Sonya. Although I might dispute your assertion that “there are some decent politicians out there.” And yeah, I always vote, too. I vote because I can and not everybody in the world can say that.

  2. Decent politicians? That would be an oxymoron in the UK. We desperately need someone who isn’t out to feather their own nest and has a social conscience which allows them to week out the idlers but support the truly needy.
    There is too much big business and back scratching involved in politics today. It’s not about philanthropy and doing what’s right for the common good. It’s about 20% of the people having 80% of the wealth and making horrendous decisions designed to further their own gains rather than address the issues facing the rest of the population.
    And Scarlett Johannsson is very pretty but for the sake of equality, can we also have a picture of Gerard Butler in 300 or Eric from True Blood.
    Thank you x

    • Yes, dear Joanna, but I’m a guy and that’s why I’d opt for the radically decolette Ms. Johansson, you understand. But yes, and alas, I share your cynicism about the political gang out there, no matter where. Piss on most of them.

  3. Happy Sunday greetings Ian!

    I totally agree. Imagine the state of Italy if it were not for Mr. Berlusconi (hope the spelling is correct). He of the sexy scandals and improbable wealth. Makes for a good tv drama nevertheless.

    Hope all is well in your world. Nice to find you here still.


    • How lovely to hear from you, Enid. It has been much too long since we connected. As for your comment, at least chronically randy Signor Berlusconi added a note of interest to the fraught world of politics.

  4. You used “scofflaw”.
    And “miscreant”.
    In the same sentence! I love you.

  5. Aren’t those words wonderful? I used to work with a young reporter who regularly used such terms much to our editor’s chagrin. He also would refer to safecrackers as ‘yeggs’. Way cool.

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