I’ve never run for public office. This revelation may surprise you. No, not really, but what might surprise you is that I’ve actually been asked in the past. I won’t elaborate on the circumstances.
But, I have never even remotely considered running for office for about 3,798 reasons (approximately). But, I think my primary reason is I don’t like people to be mad at me. If I were actually elected to office then I would go around trying to please everybody. You know, sort of like Obama. Doesn’t really work.
Maybe it’s better to be like Nixon and have everybody think you’re a completely unrepentant shit. But then you’d have to see that stubble in the mirror every morning and also be married to Pat of the unwavering tightlipped semi-smile.
Anyway, I come to this topic because today is local election day. I feel a small sense of jubilation only in the sense that tomorrow will be the first non-election day in a while and that evokes a sense of relief.
Now, this being a relatively small community and me having been in the media biz for more years than I’d care to remember – no, really, I still can actually remember how many and that’s a relief, I just don’t ‘care’ to remember – I know a lot of the candidates personally and a goodly number of the boys and girls are seemingly honorable folk. I don’t agree with all of them philosophically or even in terms of their skill-sets, but no crooks or gangsters seem to be in their numbers. This isn’t provincial politics, after all. And don’t get me started on the feds.
What has thwarted me from being a political aspirant is twofold: one, I bore easily and when you have to get into stuff like budgets and so forth (actually, I wish a few more ‘successful’ politicians would get into budgets in terms of developing some understanding of money-in/money-out, but that’s just me), and two, I’m kind of philosophically eclectic. You see, I don’t subscribe to any one belief set.
(By the way, the accompanying photo of Scarlett J is entirely gratuitous but sort of ties in with the title of this piece)
In terms of social ills, I am the soppiest, wettest, most sympathetic bastard on the planet. “Let me put my hand on your head and heeeaaal you, brother. Praise Jaysuss!” Mrs. Thatcher would have hated me. But in other realms, in terms of social responsibility I am big on bringing back the lash for miscreants and scofflaws. Especially those that would disturb my sleep with loud motorcycle pipes. See, inconsistent.
Actually, there is a further element that keeps me from politics, and that is that I abhor meetings, and it seems that politicians – the successful ones –- have to go to a whale of a lot of meetings.
There are, of course, always allegations of graft and corruption as ascribed to policies. So, if I got into that I’d be a failure too. I don’t lie so good. And all they’d have to do is get Wendy to interrogate me in any investigation – and she would give me ‘that look’ and use ‘that tone of voice’ – and I’d be off to join Bernie Madoff.