Hipster’s Night Before Christmas from 1960

Remember ‘hipsters’? Unless you’re ancient, you likely don’t. Now, this is hipsters, not hippies. Hipsters were cool. They followed the fashion dictates of Playboy and they were afficionadoes of the most ‘progressive’ jazz. I wanted to be a hipster. I read Playboy, only for the articles and cartoons — of course, and I tried to get my rock-and-roll inundated head around Coltrane, Mingus and Dizzy (with varying degrees of success. But, mainly I was too young at the time to appreciate all the nuances of ‘hipsterdom’.

Now, what follows here is not mine, but around the time this appeared in Mad Magazine I was in the midst of my time to be the coolest cat on block. I succeeded, but we had a very sparsely populated block. Anyway, as it is the season I offer you the follow bit of satrical stuff.

Jazzbo ‘Twas the night before Christmas’ Mad Magazine #52 Jan 1960


‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the pad,
Not a hipster was swinging, not even old Dad;
The chimney was hung in the stocking routine,
In hopes that “The Fat Man” would soon make the scene;
The moon and the snow were, like, faking together,
Which made the scene rock in the Day People weather,
When, what to these peepers should come on real queer,
But a real crazy sleigh, and eight swinging reindeer,
As sidemen in combos pick up as they stomp,
When they swing with the beat of a Dixieland romp,
So up to the top of my bandstand they flew,
With the sleigh full of loot, and St. Nicholas, too.
His lids-Man, they sizzled! His dimples were smiles!
His cheeks were like “Dizzy’s,” his break was like “Miles!”
His puckered-up mouth was, like, blowing flat E,
And his chin hid behind a real crazy goatee!
He blew not a sound, but skipped right to his gig,
And stashed all the stockings, then came on real big,
And flashing a sign, like that old “Schnozzle” bit,
And playing it hip, up the chimney he split;
And then, in a quick riff, I dug on the roof,
The jumpin’ and jivin’ of each swinging hoof.
As I pulled in my noggin, and turned around fast,
Down the chimney came Nick like a hot trumpet blast.
The tip of a butt he had snagged in his choppers,
And he took a few drags just like all cool be-boppers;
He had a weird face, and a solid reet middle
That bounced when he cracked, like a gutbucket fiddle!
He was wrapped up to kill, Man, a real kookie dresser!
And his rags were, like, way out! Pops! He was a gasser!
A sack full of goodies hung down to his tail,
And he looked like a postman with “Basie’s” fan mail.
He was shaking with meat, meaning he was no square,
And I flipped, ‘cause I’d always thought he was “longhair!”
But the glint in his eye and the beat in his touch
Soon gave me the message this cat was “too much!”
He flew to his skids, to his group blew a lick,
And they cut out real cool, on a wild frenzied kick.
But I heard him sound off, with a razz-a-ma-tazz:
“A cool Christmas to all, and, like all of that jazz!”

__________________

 

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12 responses to “Hipster’s Night Before Christmas from 1960

  1. Thankyou! I am a young hipster again…

  2. Oh Ian and Dinahmow, you are a different generation from that of the young’uns these days. I was very confused by this post until I realized that you were talking about some extinct animal, not the creature we call ‘hipsters’ nowadays. Do a little Google search, but here’s a micro-definition for those who already know what is being referred to: “The term Hipster, as in describing flannel-wearing, strongly opinionated, obtusely-trendy, arrogant, trust-fund babies, is a relatively new term. You may have formerly called them ‘artsy kids who aren’t actually good at art,’ coffee shop kids, lumberjacks or the old stand-by loser.”

    • That’s what I get for being an old fart. In a way the ‘hipster’ description and the traits you describe applied with the earlier hipsters, too. Most were poseurs and equally tiresome.

  3. Cool and “too much”! Thanks for sharing! Was Alfred E Neuman a hipster?

  4. So the hipsters invented “like?”
    “A cool Christmas to all, and, like all of that jazz!”
    Who knew The Valley girls got that from the hipsters. But if you do the math, the hipsters were The Valley girls’ parents. I get it now.

  5. You do know hipsters are back, eh? They even have a hysterical website mocking them: Unhappy Hipsters (www.uhappyhipsters.com)

    Sorry, I’m not enough of a hipster to know how to make that into a link…

  6. Yeah, Andrea already enlightened me on that point. Just a representation of how unhip I am these days.

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