Pardon me but where in the intercourse are my wrenches? Does anybody know?

So, where are my %$#@& socket wrenches? Do any of you know? I sure as (crude but sometimes cute expression for sexual intercourse) don’t know.

So, here’s the thing, I’m not the most handy guy in the world. As Red Green once offered, a fellow can either be handsome or handy. I chose the former because I don’t look well in flannel or with grit under my nails. Added to which, I am not necessarily brilliant in most artisan areas. Just ask my high school shop teachers. Actually, I think it all comes down to a certain Freudian rebellion against my old man who, while later an academic, was also a certified machinist.

Neither here nor there.

I do have a basic modicum of tools because sometimes when you’re a householder shit needs fixing. When it’s broken it’s ‘shit’, you see. Once it’s successfully fixed it reverts to being a ‘thing’. So, I have your usual hammers, wrenches, screwdrivers and so forth. My pride-and-joy in the wrench department is a wonderful set of Craftsman socket wrenches.

Craftsman may be a Sear’s brand, but Craftsman tools sit in the Rolls Royce department in terms of quality. I loved me my Craftsmans (or should that be Crafts’men’, since it’s plural?). I bought them about 25 years ago at the Sear’s in Portland, OR when we were on vacation one time. They were my vacation ‘souvenir’. And I’ve found a multitude of uses for them over the years, and they’ve never failed me.

About a month ago I found cause to use them. I went to the normal place they should be. The shiny black plastic case wasn’t there. I looked in a dozen other places in the garage that they ‘should be’. They weren’t there either. I could not find them. I have looked virtually everywhere and they are hiding somehow. I keep getting these sensations that I’ll look somewhere I hadn’t thought of, and there they’ll be, hiding in plain sight and I’ll feel a fool aobut it all.

But, really, it has almost put me into momentary panics. I’ve even dreamt that I’ve discovered where they are. As I say, close scrutiny of the garage – where tools live at our house – has not revealed them. I’ve looked elsewhere in the house. I’ve looked in the garden shed. I’ve searched both cars. Nada! Wendy has joined me in some of the searches and even our joint efforts have failed to unearth them.

I mean to say, wrenches cannot disappear into the ozone. Were they stolen? If they were the thief didn’t take anything else that might be more appealing, like a TV or cameras or computers. Nope, those things are all in place.

Truly, I’m at a loss about them. I even glanced (just sideways) at some other sockets sets when we were at Home Depot yesterday. Then I immediately felt guilty and ever so disloyal.

So, that’s where it sits. I’ll maybe do one last foray ‘everywhere’ and then I might have to break down and get some new ones. But that still won’t answer the question as to what happen to the old ones.

 

 

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7 responses to “Pardon me but where in the intercourse are my wrenches? Does anybody know?

  1. You still haven’t found those things? You can borrow mine if you want.

    And you do realize that as soon as you buy some, they’ll turn up. Well, they’ll turn up when you can no longer return the others. Then both sets will promptly run and hide.

  2. Black? Lost in plain site. I have a propensity for black in tools, clothing and equipment so I often “lose” things in other things. Sometimes just in the shadows. Or under things. Good luck with that… :/

  3. Hey, guess what Porsche Guy couldn’t find the other day? His socket wrench set! I think the Socket Wrench Fairy has simply collected them all and just forgot to leave you guys a couple of twoonies for them. You should maybe send her an email about that.

  4. Two things:
    They are probably sitting in plain sight and your eyes are just refusing to register their presence. Books do that to me.
    Sometimes the only way to make thing reappear is to replace them.

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