It’s true. I have no desire to trade places with anybody on the planet
There are skills and talents that I wouldn’t mind having more of, and there are skills and talents I can see in others that I admire, but I do not want to be that person. I do not want to exchange my life; such as it is, with that of another.
In honesty, I have never understood envy. My life assuredly isn’t perfect. Like many others I go through, depending on my mood of the day, feelings of insecurity, neurosis, self-pity, frustration, anxiety, rejection, hypochondria, fear, panic, misdirected lust, rage, crankiness, bitchiness, short-sightedness, longing, loneliness, isolation, failure, stupidity, wariness, shyness, horniness, jumpiness, clumsiness, talentlessness, emotional infidelity, and so on and so on and so on. But into that mix there is no mention of envy. The reason being that I, as a moderately functional person am, in those aforementioned flaws not much worse than the average bear, have no desire to exchange my life with that of another, regardless of how charmed that person’s life may be.
While it’s true that it might be wonderful to do that horizontal tango with Kate or any one of a number of other women, and it might be agreeable to go out to my porte cochere and climb into my new Bentley convertible, or to be staying at the Ritz in Paris, or the Savoy in London, but ultimately sex is sex, a car is just a car, and a hotel room is a hotel room and as long as it’s vermin-free and there aren’t questionable stains on the mattress, does it make a lot of difference.
Because, if I was to exchange my life with that of another, I would also have to pick up that person’s baggage. His bizarre childhood, his insecurities, his addictions, his fears, his health concerns, and all manner of other stuff.
I have all the negatives I mentioned, but I also have my talents – maybe not great ones but agreeable ones – and my home, my relationship, my history, my drama, and I kind of like the theatre of my own life and want to see how it will play out in the long haul.
There’s stuff that needs fixing and I know I’m up for that because I’ve done it in the past. And there are other things that either will be fixed, or explored, or sheer idleness on my part will keep me from addressing those.
That’s OK, too since it’s my idleness.