I embrace the idea of urban chickens even if I don’t want any

Chickens get a lot of unfairly bad-press. You know, expressions like “dumb cluck” , “chicken-hearted”, “chickenshit”, “madder ‘n a wet hen”, and so forth, and also for the widely believed myth that they have no idea why they have crossed a road. They know, they just ain’t saying.

 People have developed misapprehensions about their tiny narrow heads and have concluded that there isn’t much room for cerebral capacity therein, evidenced by the myths that you can separate head from body and the chicken will carry on as though nothing has happened.

 I’m about to set the record straight on those and other matters poultrywise.

I don’t know whether you’ve noticed that there’s been a considerable push lately by some people who refuse to accept the fact they live in cities and towns and who want to gain a hint of bucolia by, say, keeping chickens in the back yard.

These people have my support. Anything that causes irritation to local authorities is fine by me. (That’s my inner bad kid in school talking, not me, of course)

I also understand the impulse at a personal level, for I too used to keep chickens in my back yard. Twice, in fact. Albeit those were more rural plots than can be boasted by most urban bungalows.

I liked keeping chickens for two reasons. One: the farm-fresh eggs were heavenly, and Two: I find chickens charming. They get to know you and they’re friendly once they do make a connection. They make cute little clucking noises when they’re happy or something wonderful has happened in their lives, like if a hapless earthworm unwittingly (do earthworms have any sort of thing as a wit?) slithers into the chicken run. The hens will grab said worm and they’ll compete for it and run after the hen that has it hanging from its beak. More fun than kids have a birthday party, even one with a pony.

They also make a very proud clucking when they’ve laid an egg since that is a blessed occasion. “Look what I did! Did you ever see such a wondrous egg? You can bet it was a bit of a strain pushing that sucker out, but it was worth it. I hope you enjoy it over-easy tomorrow morning.” I just added the last bit via conjecture. I don’t think hens abstract to the degree that they understand what happens to the egg after you unceremoniously apprehend it.

I did have a rooster for a time. He was a big, strapping handsome dude. He was a marvel of libido and had it away with assorted birds on many occasions during the course of any day. Damn but I was envious of his virility.

He also crowed with impunity and I agreed the sound could be a bit irritating. But, I learned to live with the noise mainly because that same noise irritated the shit out of my arrogant and cantankerous neighbor whom I thought (for good reason) was a prick. “You go, rooster boy!”

Of course, those enlightened communities that actually do permit backyard chickens do not permit roosters for the obvious noise reason. I understand that. And, roosters aren’t needed for good egg production. Actually, like human males, most females find they’re not really that good for anything other than eating and screwing. Hmm.

Anyway, I’m not planning to get any chickens even if my community decides to stop being so uppity-fuck and actually permits them. I just don’t want to worry about raccoons around the place, and I no longer want to clean chicken houses and runs. Although, I’ll confess our long ago chicken droppings gave us raspberries and rhubarb that were legend in the neighborhood.

So now if I want to interact with chickens all I need to do is go to Kauai. Ever since Hurricane Iniki back trashed a lot of poultry farms and allowed the liberated hens to intermix with the wild jungle fowl in the early 1990s Kauai has abounded in feral chickens and everybody seems fully accepting of them. So, you find them on the beaches and on the highways (where they are a very popular road-kill) in shopping malls, in the parks and I once went to a Rotary meeting in which a vociferous cockerel attempted (to my gratitude) to drown out a rather tiresome speaker.

Hens and geckos in abundance. You cannot get better than that in terms of fauna.



18 responses to “I embrace the idea of urban chickens even if I don’t want any

  1. Picked up a couple of dozen eggs from my friend Cathy yesterday, who has 60 of the suckers, and lo and behold! two of them are actually green! Not sure what breed produces green eggs and I’m too busy shopping for ham to google it.

  2. A guinea fowl maketh a green egg. But, it’s OK, the insides are the regular white and yellow. So nice to hear from you, dear friend.

  3. I laughed out loud a couple of times reading this! As a kid, I had many relatives living in various rural, farmy places, and I had lots of fun hanging around with their chickens on various visits. I liked chickens then and I like them now. But now that I live in the city, I’m not so sure I’d enjoy chickens quite as much if they lived right next door to me. (I would totally enjoy the eggs, though, if I happened to pinch a few! 🙂 )

  4. I laughed reading this…Someone had a rooster in our neighbourhood when I was a kid and he was always up before the sun…I did like the chickens that sometimes strayed from that yard and their eggs, when I could get them.

    • I was surprised when I was staying in a London suburb with a cousin a few years ago that back garden chickens are quite permissible in that huge city. I was impressed.

  5. As long as chicken owners keep up with their responsibilities, there should be no problem. But don’t leave the pen open. I hate chasing chickens.

  6. Hecko no, you can’t!

  7. The people across the street and one up the hill have chickens and the rooster crows randomly, not at sunrise. And this is a very suburban area. I don’t mind the “cock-a-doodle-doo” but the neighbor is iffy and I just hope he’s not into doing something more sinister like cock fighting. There really is nothing better than a fresh egg. I hope that’s all that’s happening over there.

  8. We have chickens…and a rooster in Harrow on the Hill.
    There were complaints.
    Suggested it possible that their all night parties were waking the bird….
    Complaints ceased.

  9. An utterly charming post. 🙂 I have a neighbor (Mpls) that has chickens and spent some time on the deck Saturday night with him and others, where I heard several chicken stories, so I’m doubly amused that you’ve expounded on the urban chicken.

    Cluck, cluck. 🙂


  10. I love chickens. Roosters too if they would just shut the hell up. There are some beautiful roosters out there. Unfortunately, since they don’t shut up, I tend to think coq au vin would be a wonderful breakfast food.

    • Most ‘civilized’ communities that permit chickens don’t allow roosters. And coq au vin can be a very nice use for them as pretty as they can be.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s