I once upon a time would look in back pages of certain magazines I favored and perused ads for items of unspeakably exotic and revealing lingerie for one’s lady love(s), aphrodisiacs that were absolutely guaranteed to get a fellow all the action he might ever want, and especially those ubiquitous satin sheets that were assuredly about to give me and my partner or fantasy partner more sensual pleasure than even I might ever have imagined.
I never actually made any of the aforementioned purchases, I might add. But I knew all the cool dudes who got all the women had satin sheets. Hefner had them on his round bed. Probably Tom Jones had them. And maybe Elvis. I don’t think Andy Griffith did.
However, back in the day I would sometimes think how nice it would be to have the torso caressed by satin rather than just basic old cotton. I mean, yeah, cotton trumps flannel, but you know, it’s awfully undecadent.
And then for Christmas this very year, we got ourselves some bamboo fibre sheets. Wait, I can hear you asking, what has bamboo got to do with satin sheets? They can make sheets out of bamboo? Who knew and definitely what next?
Bamboo grows in the tropics mainly. It’s the fastest growing plant of all and pandas love to eat the shoots. In fact, it is so fast growing that we believed a particular grim form of Asian torture consisting of tying some poor bugger down on a bamboo field and letting the plants grow right up through the hapless prisoner. And then there were burning bamboo shoots. Sinister-looking and racially insensitively treated wartime movies Japanese soldiers and guards were regularly given to sticking burning bamboo sticks under the fingernails of heroic white-guy POWs (who in their minds vowed to get revenge against what was popularly known in, say, 1942, as Yellow Peril.
So bamboo – despite the fact it is a brilliant plant in the sense it is infinitely renewable and grows fast (as mentioned) and means it can be used for construction and trees don’t need to be chopped down – has other uses. It can be made into fabric.
And such a fabric it is. It puts those old slippery satin sheets to shame. Such a heavenly sleep on panda grub.