At least I am alert enough to remember not to eat the yellow snow

calvin

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

 

DSCN2225Snow brings out the latent Husky in Max. He rolls in it, lies down in it, eats it, pees on it, and just generally goes into ecstatic fits when there are numerous inches on the ground. Like now.

I don’t have latent Husky in me. I loathe the stuff. It’s wet, it’s cold, it’s perilous, it impedes my passage either on foot or in a vehicle, it’s dangerous, it’s inconvenient, and it’s probably a few dozen other negative things.

Myth holds that Eskimos have over a hundred words for snow. That myth is untrue. I believe their term (which escapes me) translates to “nasty cold shit that makes us wonder why we live here”.

Kids, it is widely believed, love snow. They long for it and are thrilled when it manifests. Mainly that is because a goodly snowfall offers portents of a cherished Snow Day.

I was a strange child – possibly in a lot of ways, but shall not go there now – in that I hated snow. Oh, I didn’t mind it when it first fell. I could even be a bit excited about prospects of sleigh riding and such. But, I was impatient about it. I didn’t want it to last for very long.

I remember vividly lying in bed at about age five in a winter in which there were a couple of feet of snow on the ground and the snow had been with us for seemingly ever in those pre-climate shift days. So, I am lying in bed and I am hoping that during the night some force of he nether world – elf, gremlin, fairy, witch – will come down and magically lift all the snow away.

I know I have waxed tiresomely in the past about favoring warm weather and warm climates, but it is true. I live in the wrong part of the world, I suspect. I have a friend in Palm Springs right now, and a couple more in Central America. Now, I may love these people but I also resent the hell out of them for being where I should be.

Some people like winter and snow because they favor winter activities like skiing, snowboarding, skating and hockey, etc. I haven’t skied since I was in my teens and I thoroughly disliked the experience and all I was left with was sitting in a crappy little shelter with a wet ass and longing to go home. Skating I am actually pretty good at and I like it. But rare are chances of outdoor skating any longer – see climate change. Sleigh-riding. Well, I don’t have a sleigh and am not about to get one at this stage of my life.

All I can think is the damn winter Olympics are over and spring should therefore be here.

Sorry Max, but you don’t have to go out and shovel the driveway right about now.

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11 responses to “At least I am alert enough to remember not to eat the yellow snow

  1. Look at the bright side, you live on the west coast. I still have a couple more months of this to go. It’s -8000 here today.

  2. The only thing I think I hate as much as you hate snow is wind. Stupid wind! Cold wind, hot wind, swirly wind and oh that wind that blows rain or snow into your ears, that’s the worst. Stupid wind, it’s always such a jerk about everything.

  3. I kinda like snow, but … since Saturday, I have shoveled my driveway three times, the sidewalk twice. The recycling truck didn’t make it to my neighbourhood today. I’m not sure where my backyard begins or ends any more. And still it snows …

  4. I agree about snow. It is too cold for me. When I was little I did not seem to be bothered by the cold and wet of snow. Now I prefer to watch it from a distance inside a warm place. I am intrigued by snow flakes and would love to get a good photo of a few. I am so glad that here where I live in Oregon we rarely get snow and if we do, it is only for a few days. I could never live in one of those places that get tons dumped on them!

  5. I have a love-hate relationship with snow. All four seasons should happen in my world, including snowy, blustery, cold-cold-cold winter ~ for 6-8 weeks. Then it should be GONE. And immediately. No slushiness. Bleh.

  6. The place to go, dear BP is Hawaii’s Big Island which contains 11 of the world’s climate zones; from subarctic to tropical all in one relatively small place. Otherwise, I’m with you re snow.

  7. Well, yeah, if we all had sleighs it could be fun… 😉

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