By all rights I should adore figure-skating. You know, pretty girls in very short skirts and little panties pirouetting before me. Some might call it ballet on ice, others might see it more as glacial burlesque.
And I confess I have developed big crushes on figure skaters in the past like Dorothy Hamill with her adorable glasses and hair stylings, and Vancouver’s own Karen Magnussen who was in her day so darn sweet.
Albeit there are often males in the equation, but that’s not problematic for me.
What is problematic is that figure skating bores me senseless. I don’t care how many medals these people glean from competitions like the recently completed (thank God) Olympics, figure skating never goes on my list of stuff to PVR or stay up late for.
It’s boring. Ballet on ice? Confession, I find ballet pretty boring, too. Call me a philistine if you will, but if I watch dance it should be tango, soft-shoe or jitterbug. You know, something is happening. Nothing ever happens in ballet and nothing ever happens in figure skating unless Tonya Harding’s involved.
Ah, those were the glory days. Maybe more bad girls are needed to inject some drama. Knowing Tonya, she probably would no longer bother with the teeny panties.
But, in terms of boring, I think figure skating is only surpassed by curling. I mean, what is this thing? Bowling on ice I call it. Invented by the Scots, hardly the most scintillating people on the planet.
People slide a big round ‘rock’ along to some destination and they they do this frantic thing with brooms in a belief that such an action helps the rock to its destination. Perhaps it does. I’ve never curled, so I don’t know.
I suspect, unlike winter sports like luge or bobsled, curling does not demand a lot of physical fitness or stamina, so it might be good for an indolent chap like me. Oh, and I might mention that for some reason the women involved in curling are amazingly hot. Watching lovely Films work those rocks probably draws a lot of audience. I am not amongst those audience members, however, because while figure-skating is boring, curling is excruciating.
Anyway, both are winter endeavors and I am too busy thinking spring right now.