Those wily and unpredictable laws of attraction — it’s wise to be wary


As I’ve mentioned before – possibly ad tedium – I do not have a metaphysical bone in my body. That’s a silly turn-of-phrase come to think of it, since there is no such thing as a metaphysical bone, unless maybe it’s a metaphorical metaphysical bone. Enough. This is just getting silly and off-topic.

The point being I, not being a killjoy for those who believe in mystical nonsense, believe things are pretty much as they seem to be – with one exception, and that exception lies in matters of amour. Or, more to the point, in matters of attraction. Attraction, be it carnal, physical, emotional or spiritual is a powerful force and one that cannot be easily explained by normal logical rules of the here-and-now.

Anyway, regardless of your age or even your sexuality, you have been attracted to probably scads of people in your life. People of usually the opposite sex, unless you are attracted to people of the same sex and as Seinfeld said: “Not that there is anything wrong with it.” If you are very young and it hasn’t happened yet, it will. And if you are older then you know it has and sometimes it has been an almost ridiculously powerful situation that doesn’t always serve everybody for the best but still cannot be denied.

I am being a bit lighthearted and flippant here, despite the fact the subject, unless you are callous, or even sociopathic, is a virtual lifeforce for the perpetuation of the species.

What brought this to mind was when I was away last week and at a street market I glanced at a woman and could not take my eyes off her. Get no wrong messages here, I am happily and faithfully married, but what struck me about the lady in question was the powerful resemblance she had to my second wife. Except that she was blonde, and my ex is brunette, she had the same features, was about the same height and was even dressed in a manner that she could have been my ex. As I say, nothing more to it than that except if I hadn’t been in my current matrimonial state I would have been, ahem, ‘interested’.

Why was that so? Because there is something in a certain appearance the ‘works’ for me at a visceral level. I was, for example, enchanted by the looks of beautiful late actress Lee Remick, because there too that similarity can be found. You will likely find that you too have been attracted to a certain ‘look’.

In the case of my second wife, I was initially hugely attracted to a photograph I had found to go with a newspaper supplement I was editing – she was on the staff of a sister paper. When she joined our newspaper staff, well, the attraction was virtually instant and, blessedly and not so blessedly, since I was married, entirely mutual. The rest is history.

We fell in love. My marriage (already in dire straits even before she arrived) fell apart. She and I kept company, moved in together, married, then separated and then divorced. What a trip and all based on a huge attraction to a certain look. One that I was a sucker for.

It didn’t end well, for a host of reasons and I’m sure as hell not going to elaborate about them here.

But, I have often wondered about the attraction element – the attraction to a certain look. That same look was also possessed by the girl I was unrequitedly madly in love with in high school. And I know at least two other women who have a similar look.

So, when I finally secured somebody who looked like ‘that’ I should have been in hog-heaven. Not destined to be so. Wise to be careful what you wish for since it’s not all about appearance and attraction. If I have learned nothing else, I have learned that.


6 responses to “Those wily and unpredictable laws of attraction — it’s wise to be wary

  1. Been there, done that, and you are right. Valuable lesson.

  2. My attractions were less looks and leaned to talents. Someone with musical, artistic, creative writing or intellectual talent would attract me. I was drawn to them. One guy I was drawn to could play guitar exceptionally well (even owned a 12 string Gibson back in the 70’s), piano, organ, flute, about anything he picked up!! It was romantic to sit in a forest, under the stars, listening to him sing and play guitar or the flute while I sat in adoration!! Another was an amazing artist and I loved seeing him in the process of creating! Another wrote wondrous poetry and read with such a great voice. Yet another would talk about all sorts of things that I did not understand but wowed me on his intellect!
    It is funny, but I never eally got into the handsome, muscle-bound guys. I thought Alan Alda and Yul Brynner were sexy!

    • I think there are many things that attract us to someone and it’s not always about looks. And if it is about looks only, then there are pitfalls.

  3. Marianne Dufresne

    Please note that I have closed my email address. And…. I would love to know what “that look” looks like, M

  4. I suspect you thoroughly ‘know’ what ‘that look’ looks like. Just a suspicion I have and I do not think I am wrong. Oh, and I like your new email.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s