We can only come to one conclusion, and that is that our appliances are conspiring against us, and that can only lead us to believe that said appliances ‘do’ have souls and they are capable of feeling deep and grievous hurt when they learn that rejection looms.
As you know, we are doing this extensive – like everything ‘old’ goes – kitchen renovation at the moment and part of the process has involved acquiring new appliances – new, shiny, stainless steel pick up every finger smudge (is my fear) appliances.
The two main appliances being replaced are the electric range – we’re switching over to gas, which will enable me to finally be able to use that age-old expression that goes: “Now we’re cooking with gas.” — and the refrigerator.
Our initial plan for the old appliances was to sell them on line. That way they could go to nice new homes. In that regard, I may have mentioned, Wendy decided a while ago that it would be good to do a final oven clean. And she got into process and promptly blew out the main element. To replace the element would have cost about 300 times as much as the old range was worth. So, we decided the future lay in the landfill.
So, the stove element blowing was Conspiracy #1.
Then we’ve noticed that the ice cream in the freezer of the fridge was much too soft. We cringingly thought maybe the freezer was packing it in. Last evening confirmed the matter. I went to get myself a slice of pie, and what goes best with pie? Well, ice cream, of course. I pulled out the ice cream and saw that it had the consistency of a cut-rate milkshake. The freezer had obviously called it quits
It was like those two major appliances got together and said: “So, getting rid of us, eh. No longer nice and shiny enough for you, huh. Not sexy, cream-your-jeans stainless steel that you seem obsessed with. Well, then, fuck you! We’re going to quit so you won’t be able to sell us up the river and what with all the inconvenience of your refurbishment we, who have been banished, will make it even more inconvenient. What have we got to lose?”
I hope I’m wrong about the matter and that nothing mystical was afoot, but I kind of have my doubts.