Nothing against herself, I just think maybe it’s high time we grew up

The Queen

“Her Majesty”

Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl
But she doesn’t have a lot to say
Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl
But she changes from day to day

I want to tell her that I love her a lot
But I gotta get a bellyful of wine
Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl
Someday I’m going to make her mine, oh yeah
Someday I’m going to make her mine

Thoughts have been crossing my mind as what we once called ‘Dominion Day’ is coming up on July 1st. Sort of like July 4th, but sans fireworks and a little less patriotic foofrah. July 1st is now called ‘Canada Day’, and to the vast majority of Canadians it means one thing – a day off! It’s a better holiday than Groundhog Day in that regard.

But, each year it also puts me in mind of the fact that until this country grows up and puts on big-girl panties our ‘official’ head-of-state is a nice and highly regarded elderly ‘foreign’ lady. Don’t get me wrong. I like the Queen. For all intents-and-purposes she seems like a swell lady, and as queens go, she’s a pip.

By the same token, I am also a patriotic Canadian – or at least as patriotic as current politics will allow me to be – and in that patriotic context I refuse to accept that our head-of-state should be a foreigner. I know it’s constitutional, but it’s also constipational and I believe it’s high time we invoke a constitution bowel-movement and set up business on this turf not across the Atlantic Ocean.

Mrs. Queen 3As I said, I hold the current monarch in high regard and long may she and her Saxe-Coburg-Gotha- Mountbatten-Windsor clan reign – over there in the United Kingdom. I like here enough that I even took the picture showing here. In saying all this, rest assured I am an incurable anglophile. I have lived there and have visited every time I get the chance. It’s a fine place and they have a jolly agreeable Queen – for them. I have even seen a couple of her houses. They’re pretty nice.

Now, once the current Queen goes – as she sadly must; she is 88 after all – I say that’s when we pull-the-pin. Those who follow hold little sway over me. Elderly Charles is kind of a twit in my esteem. I know little about William except he has a button-cute wife. Kind of like Harry, but he’ll never be the ruler unless he bumps off those who come before him, so he may as well party on.

So, there you have it. After the Queen goes I am serving notice that I will hold no personal connection with the British Royals. They will not be seen by me as ‘my’ head of state. And as for the monarch’s rep, the so-called Governor-General, well that should be seen as a genuine colonial vestige and we should be ashamed that such a title exists. I don’t even know who the current one is. I did like the Haitian lady, so I can’t understand why they didn’t keep her. Or, if we want to have somebody ‘connected’ to fawn over, well why not Angelina Jolie? I mean, the Queen recently named her some sort of honourable something, so she might qualify.

Anyway, royals, I am soon to no longer be in your sway and I honestly wish that more Canadians would like to see their fine country just grow up a little bit and get away from pretending it’s 1890.

8 responses to “Nothing against herself, I just think maybe it’s high time we grew up

  1. I learned something as I did not know that the Queen had a connection to Canada. I think you need to declare Independence! USA did.

  2. Hear hear! Begone royals! There is simply no point to them. And we could put you, Ian on the $20 bill. That would work for me.

    Actually an ex Lieutenant Governor of Quebec (those are like, Gov. General lite, right?) is in court now, because she seemed to believe she actually was the queen and totally exempt from prosecution for stealing our money. It’s pathetic. (

    • Gov-Gen Lite — I like that. God, we are so fucking disrespectful. That’s what I like about us. Like, officialdom thinks we should be creaming our undies over these yo-yos. OK, I’ll go on the $20 bill.

  3. lesliehaweswp

    Wait until they start taxing your tea, then start a revolution, and be done with them.

  4. Yes indeed, best start saving up some musket balls though. Is black powder easy to come by these days?

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