Cranky old bastard me has a few words to say about curmudgeonliness


A good friend of mine used to say (when we were much younger) that when he got aged he wanted to be a dirty old man. He felt that in so being he’d be able to get away with all sorts of liberties as he would be excused due to his age.

You could cop a feel from your nurse and everyone would excuse you with, “Oh, that Mr. Jones. Watch out for his roving hands.” My friend’s name wasn’t Jones, by the way, just in case you were thinking of a friend named Jones to whom the behavior might apply.

Well, I took his point and could appreciate it since I kind of like girls and their softness, too. But my quest as I aged was to become a full-fledged curmudgeon. While DOM can be admired in their way, they are a bit tiresome and lacking in respect for the opposite sex. There is much more value to be found in a Cranky Old Bastard.

I have found, as the years have gone by, that the appreciation for the value of the world’s COBs has increased exponentially in me and I find cause to justify my grouchiness at the state of the world with increasing frequency. I am generally a genial and sometimes charming fellow who most people find friendly. And so they should. For if those people are amongst those who irk me, they might not know it. I am polite. It doesn’t do for a genuine curmudgeon to be impolite since lack of social graces is just one of those tjhings in modern society that piss me off.

What other things give rise to my cranky old bastardness, you are probably asking by this point? And if you’re not, to hell with you. It’s my blog and I can rant as I choose.

– texting abbreviations: You know, this crap like the letter ‘u’ for the word ‘you’, or ‘2’ for ‘to’ and so forth. For crissake, you went to school and hopefully learned to spell complete words. Do so.

– wearing headgear indoors: You may profess to love your mom, but such boorish behavior shows you have no respect for what she taught you.

Wearing beach garb in public (non-beach) venues: The DOM part of me may appreciate your boob and crotch revealing bikini, but not when you are picking through the vegetables in my supermarket. And guys with no shirt on in public places?: el puko.

– garish day-glo cycling garb: Simple question, wtf happened to your sense of taste and decorum. And that’s all I am going to say about cyclists.

– loudmouths in cinemas and at concerts: shut the fuck up. I am not interested in your opinions on anything. I paid money for this ticket.

potty mouth– profane, f-word spewing young girls: Actually f-word spewing in public by either sex but I’m old-fashioned enough to think it sounds worse when it comes from females. There is only one time the word has charm when uttered by a female, so don’t steal its thunder by bandying it about.

There are more things, many more things I could rant about in curmudgeonly old bastard ways. But I want to focus on this one: Politicians. Mother-effing politicians. And yes, I am immensely grateful that I live in a democracy and I can write stuff like this without having storm troopers crashing into the house to haul me away. But, that’s a freedom my father and grandfather fought for in two world wars and bless them for so doing since they really got bugger all in the way of thanks from officialdom.

But one that has struck me in the last couple of days have been statements by both the prime minister and BC premier stating quite explicitly that Canadians and British Columbians stand fully behind them in their qualified support for the state of Israel in the shit that is going on there.

Pardon me, me bucko and buckette, you have no right to make statements like that and to presume that everyone is rallying to your political cause in the matter. So, how dare you? I don’t care what the political issues are, I give no support to a regime that sees the slaughter of children as a legitimate expression of statecraft. Sorry. I’m taking no sides in this other than the one that tells me I am a pacifist and I cannot buy into another nation’s politics or behavior.

And that is entirely my opinion and I do not attempt to impose it on everyone else. You can support whichever side you choose and I want you to be able to. Or, you can do as I do and support neither side and just long for the bloodshed to cease.


8 responses to “Cranky old bastard me has a few words to say about curmudgeonliness

  1. The wearing of beach wear in public is one of my pet peeves. At least throw on a long coverup! The other day I was in a department store and a young lady entered wearing a tiny bikini top and a g-string!! Her entire rear was exposed! It is nice to hear a man say he does not like that either. I always think men would be totally approving of nearly or totally naked women walking around in public venues,

  2. The beachwear thing? Worse to me is wearing those sorts of clothes in the office. LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!! They are unacceptable in an office (and we’re a really relaxed office, with jeans being no problem). But really? Leggings?

    And I HATE baseball caps. With a vengeance. My nephew was wearing one at supper once and I flipped it off his head with the admonition “You’re at the table”. I’ve never seen him wear one again.

    But Ian, b4 I go, U no I luv u 4evah! :-p

    • Me 2. And I so agree about leggings. I mean, they can show off a comely ass to good advantage, but time and place. Oh, and the ballcap thing. As George Carlin said, the only people who should wear ballcaps are ball players. Fortunately they seem to be going out of vogue.

  3. PS: Can I be a curmudgeon too? (God I love that word!)

  4. I have, apparently, been a COB my whole life. With the exception of the young girls dropping the f-word thing (as I’m sure you’re not surprised), I could have written this list. May I replace the f-word one with wearing flip flops as dress shoes ~ and the rubber/plastic dollar ones anywhere but the beach or the shower? Good, ’cause I’m gonna.

  5. And therein lies your charm, dear friend. And as for girls and the f-word thing, at those special moments I think it should be compulsory, but sometimes out in a public venue I do find it a bit offensive.. Your flip-flop reference, perfect.

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