The time will come when I shall have to vote. Then what’ll I do?


Not to be cynical – no-no-no – that’s just not me, but as far as politics go – and I am talking about federal politics not the municipal ones that are on the immediate horizon – but the ones that pertain to those who live in a far away town with a crappy climate – I am of the WC Fields school.

That means, I do not vote ‘for’ anyone, only ‘against.’

Now, in the case of the Ottawa sonsabitches I find that I am essentially against all of them and may somebody salt their topsoil in my esteem, so I am left trying to choose some party that I loathe the least.

Where the hell is the Rhino Party when we need it the most.

But I jest – though only ever so slightly.

Let’s take a look at the field of offerings:

steverinoStephen Harper: Old Steverino is kind of an anomaly amongst politicos in a democracy in that he apparently doesn’t give much of a shit whether your like him or not, so he makes no attempt to do warm and cuddly. He believes he is the best person for the job and that we’ll rue the day if we turf him from office. This great pal of China (oh, and Canada too, he protests) sees no concerns about climate change and I suspect that in his heart (I may be wrong) he thinks it, and all the issues that affect our natural environment are just so much hippie folderol. Needless to say he sees the biggest collection of hippies here in British Columbia, a place about which he seems to know little, but possibly has visited a couple of times.

Meanwhile, his politics have consistently drifted to the right in his years in office, and some feel they are perilously reactionary. I’m sort of one who feels that way. And his bearing has become increasingly sour and confrontative. In fact, the only time I’ve seen him look and sound excited was when they recently found that Franklin ship which he seemed to feel was terribly important in the scheme of things. An emotional response shared by, oh maybe .0013 per cent of Canada’s populace. And I won’t get started on the Israel thing.

If an election were held tomorrow I wouldn’t be prepared to say how Stevie would do. His loathsomeness factor hasn’t quite reached the level that Mulroney’s attained but, hey, there’s still a year to go. Meanwhile, my own view of the man has altered slightly over the years – altered downwardly. First I saw him as being admirable in that he was able to break the stranglehold the increasingly corrupt Liberals had over the country. But then the ‘power’ thing evolved and there is an adage about ‘absolute power’ and that’s about where I am with those guys right now.

mulcairThomas Mulcair: I put him second on the list because he, not the Twerp, is actually the leader of Her Majesty’s Opposition. So, old ‘Mr. Crankypants’ has never succeeded in capturing the pizzazz of the late Jack Layton. I think that had something to do with charm. Anyway, Mulcair has kind of fought the good fight against various forms of adversity but he has never succeeded in convincing a lot of Canadians in terms of likeability. I mean, he works hard and does his homework but he seems to feel his primary rival isn’t so much Steve as the young dude with the hair. And beard doesn’t necessarily trump cool hair unless you’re Abraham Lincoln. Another factor is (and I may be wrong, but suspect not) that the NDP will never prevail over the old guard ‘family compact’ parties no matter who is in charge. Even Layton, as charismatic as he might have been, couldn’t pull that puppy off. Ironically, the NDP in spoiler capacity against the Grits enabled Harper to get his majority.

turdeauJustin Trudeau: I didn’t really mean to refer to him as ‘twerp’ No wait, I did. I did because he has consistently acted like a paragon of immaturity since he attained leadership of the Liberal Party. Frankly, I don’t care a whit about his feelings about pot, abortion or anything else. I care whether he has the intellect and maturity to actually form a government in this country. So far I have yet to see a sign of anything other than knee-jerk populist ain’t I cool stuff. He has been pumped up in some quarters as Pierre’s son (a reality that gains little traction west of Ontario) and Pierre, you know, was real smart. Well, the gene pool works both ways in the siring process. Just sayin’. Don’t count your Justin before he’s hatched and I haven’t seen much to count yet, and see less every day.

mayElizabeth May: I have toyed in idle moments of making Elizabeth of the Green Party my choice on election day. I mean, she seems like a nice lady and I believe in nature and all that stuff and hold the opinion that hydrocarbons are indeed possibly destroying the world and as long as I don’t have to go vegan I could handle voting for her. But, and it’s a big but, no matter how altruistic one would like to be, the chance of the Greens have any sort of impact other than remarkably minor is a remote one.

And that leaves me with:

Rhino_logoThe Rhinos: Come on, fellas and girls. Take another crack at it. Your country needs you.


4 responses to “The time will come when I shall have to vote. Then what’ll I do?

  1. I just filled in my ballot here and I’m in the same predicament—don’t like any of the pols and trust them even less…

  2. I vote for the lesser of all evils as I see them and never believe much said in a campaign and in Canada it seems the snivel serpents seem to put up a lot of objections to any changes or slow the process down to a crawl

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