Did you ever want to scream at somebody: “Just shut the fuck up you’re boring me to death!”
I have wanted to.
Have you done so?
No, neither have I. But if you have actually done so I could not sufficiently express my gratitude to you for having pointed out to the culprit that life is short – much too short for me to be standing here and listening to the same old egocentric drivel I have heard too many times from you.
I got myself trapped by a fellow at a mall the other day. It was one of those situations in which I scrupulously tried to avoid eye-contact in the hope he wouldn’t notice me. I failed. He nabbed me and I had to bear with his onslaught of drivel, repeated for the 30th time bits of information of interest only to him, and maddeningly narcissitic egocentricism.
Once he had his prey there was little chance of escape. He went on, and on, and on, and on, and on about incidents and situations and people with whom I had no familiarity. No, I don’t know your fucking brother-in-law and have no desire to, but I bet he lives in dread of seeing you pull into the drive.
Part way through the (one way) conversation I realized I had to pee – badly. But I couldn’t risk going to the restroom for fear he’d decide to come in and take the urinal next to mine, so I just soldiered on and tried to forget my urgency. Surely he’d have to finish soon. Surely he’d have to go and eat, or something.
“Did I tell you about (whatever)?” Of course he has. A hundred times, or so it seems. And no, I am not interested in who you are dating since you and your missus broke up and believe me I never, ever want to hear the reasons why you broke up and please don’t dare to go to the sexual problems you had with her.
“She left because she was so bored that her options were to either quit the scene or kill you – you asshole!” At least that was what I wanted to say.
In reference to the person in question, my wife is more tolerant than I am and she opines it’s likely because he is so lonely, and that is rather sad.
“So, would you want to spend time with him?” I ask
“God, no. I can’t stand his company,” she replies.
According to an article in Psychology Today there are nine symptoms in being a crashing, stunning, tear-inducing bore. They are:
Negative egocentrism:The #1 most boring way of behaving was what the researchers described as “being negative and complaining, talking about one’s problems, displaying disinterest in others.” Banality: “talking about trivial or superficial things, being interested in only one topic, and repeating the same stories and jokes again and again.” Low affectivity: showing little enthusiasm, speaking in a monotone, engaging in very little eye contact, behaving in a very unexpressive way. Tediousness: “talking slowly, pausing a long time before responding, taking a long time to make one’s points, and dragging conversations on.” Passivity: having little to say, not having any opinions, being too predictable or too likely to try to conform with what everyone else is saying. Self-preoccupation: talking all about yourself. Seriousness: coming across as very serious, rarely smiling. Boring ingratiation: “trying to be funny or nice in order to impress other people.” Distraction: doing things that interfere with the conversation, getting sidetracked too easily, and engaging in too much small talk
Yep, those pretty much do it for me. All of the above.
PS: Hope I didn’t bore you with this blog.