I like potato chips well enough, though I don’t really have yearnings for them. This is unlike my wife who is doomed if a bag of the morsels is brought into the house – which is why that rarely happens.
“If I have one I have to have the whole bag and then I’ll want another bag,” she says.
I have some things like that; some things that can even be mentioned in polite company. At one time liquor filled that bill, but hasn’t for years, thank God. But, peanuts, or especially salted cashews. French fries indeed. And sweets definitely are an evil force for me.
Potato chips, not so much. And when I do have the odd chip – and I can stop at ‘the odd’ chip – I am a traditionalist. You know, just plain salt, or salt-and-vinegar, dill is good, and if I am feeling especially reckless, then barbecue. And that is it. And to me the creme-de-la-creme chip is the authentic Maui Chip which can only be had in the islands.
But now chips come in a multitude of flavors, many of them sounding, to me, unspeakably horrible. One of the chip companies ran a contest a couple of years ago calling on people to come up with ‘new’ flavors. So, you got things (I’m probably making some of these up) like banana-truffle, clam, boot-scraping, radish and licorice all-sort, and a few more too disgusting to mention..
Now, I was exaggerating a bit there, but then Wendy told me that somebody brought into her office a bag of ‘chocolate’ potato chips. Chocolate Chips! Give me a coitusing break. The day of reckoning must be at hand. You have chocolate and you have potato chips, and the fact that somebody somewhere thought it’d be a marvy idea to combine the two befuddles and nauseates me. I mean really, buy a chocolate bar and a bag of chips, but don’t be combining them.
But Wendy tried one before she passed judgement. Basically, she said, it was kind of bland and all she could think was just buy a chocolate bar if you crave such a confection. Otherwise, she noted, they were horrifically expensive.
Another, and maybe perverse, thought crosses my mind about potato chips, after which I shall have nothing more. A popular brand is the one called Old Dutch (not to be confused with the cleanser of similar name. Now, I am wondering why ‘Old Dutch’ is acceptable and if it is, why not ‘Old Limey’, Old Yank’, ‘Old Jew’ or ‘Old Jap’. But, I just don’t think such pejorative references would be deemed acceptable. But maybe, and nobody has asked, people who hail from Holland are more offended by this branding than we thought.