One of my favorite comics in days of yore, George Gobel, had a catch phrase everyone associated with him and that was, “Well, I’ll be a dirty bird.”
It’s an expression I have come to appreciate with a new meaning of late. Here’s why:
Taking a brief break from sorting laundry – one of those stimulating things a body gets to do when semi-retired but whose wife is still working, and that was sure as hell what I got that degree for those many years ago – I chose to sit in a favorite armchair that is positioned before the living-room window.
And there it was. That freakin’ bird! It’s just a little sparrow, but it was positioned on the windowsill as I sat taking my break. When I was sorting the laundry in the master-bedroom it was on that window sill. Prior to that, when I was working in the home office it was on the sill there. Fucking thing is following me from room-to-room and it knows where I am at all times of the day.
What it’s waiting for is for me to take the car out on an errand and then return and park in the driveway so that he/she can poop on it. If I leave it in the drive I end up with great streaks of bird-poop running down the doors and also festooning the mirrors. Actually, it’s not that fussy vehicle-wise. If Wendy’s car is in the drive she gets the same anointing of sparrow-dung.
I think it is following me from room-to-room now to show how pissed it is with me. Because, having gotten wise to its game, I have taken to putting the car in the garage immediately I come home. Consequently, it is left disappointed in its process for the day.
Odd thing, poop, and the application thereof. Cats, if they are angry, will defecate in inappropriate spots in the house just to show their contempt. A little child will fill his or her pants – even past toilet-training – if a parent imposes in an unappreciated way. Thank God we grow out of that impulse. Or, I hope we do.
So, I guess my little bird is up to the same thing. It’s a battle of wills of a sort, and if my car is inside it is letting me know how displeased it is to be thwarted in its need to apply a homemade decoration.