I have been penning (well, not really penning but electronically creating) a blog for many years now. During that time I have pondered a number of subjects and sought your interest in and tolerance of my musings.
I have told you many things about me, and other elements of who I am I have held in abeyance for a host of reasons. I have written frankly about my likes, dislikes, loves and lusts and sexual attractions – albeit in limited and I hope tasteful manner.
Yet, how honest have I been? Well, frankly, only as honest as I have chosen to be. Those who know me well may also know about my weaknesses, faults (yep, I have ’em) and those who know me ‘really’ well also possibly know about the personal elements I choose to not share with all and sundry.
I am essentially a very private person, which may seem like an odd admission for a writer to make. What can I say? I write because I am relatively good at it and I am also offering aspects of my process that I think can be readily understood by others who write.
I have come to realize that my sense of privacy has boundaries and some of those boundaries are tighter than others. What I reveal depends on how private the thing might be. I suspect those elements also apply to you. The categories are as follows:
Overt aspects of oneself: This is what you see. How I dress or comb my hair. In conversation I will only be as revelatory as to how much I trust (or know) the person with whom I am interacting. It is the polite version of me. If I know you more intimately I might tell you more.
Among the more trusted and better known: We have flaws and weaknesses and while we try to defend our egos with the more trusted we might share elements that are slightly more intimate or ones that might indicate flaws. Such interchanges often turn out to be reciprocal. With the genuinely trusted we might even let down our guard enough to include nude swimming or non-sexual kisses.
Among the really well known: Sexual or romantic partners get to be privy to our ‘junk’. A much deeper level of trust here. These people know how we work at the most intimate levels. We are who we are and we’re comfortable in our skin in their presence. These are the people in whose presence we don’t both locking the bathroom door.
Ain’t nobody well known enough for this sharing: There are also those things that on pain of dismemberment I wouldn’t tell another. Things I have a hard time telling myself. And don’t pretend you don’t have those very ‘private’ aspects to your being, because you do. We all do. You might share them with a shrink, but you would be loath to do so.
So, when you read me, you get what I ‘choose’ to share.