If you must stink make sure you stink real good

parfumA woman’s perfume tells more about her than her handwriting.
Christian Dior

There is a certain woman of ‘senior’ mien who frequents a nearby supermarket. A nearby supermarket that I also frequent.

When I spy this person I pray that I will not be caught in a checkout line with her in front of me or behind me.

That is because this same woman is absolutely drenched in the awfulest cheapshit perfume with an intensity that makes your eyes water and your head spin. I’d rather smell a heat-ripe outhouse, to be honest than to smell her pong which I call Eau de Baghdad Whorehouse. Does she have some condition that renders bathing impossible? Does she deem this stink to be preferable?

I mean to say I am in no way neurotic about people wearing scent, I only say that they should select carefully and be prepared to pay a few bucks more than a dollar a gallon.

For, on the other side of the spectrum I know of a woman who is so fanatical about the scent-wearing propensity of others that she refuses to be in the same room with a person who is wearing even noticeable deodorant or shampoo essences.

I find myself part-way in between. I have no problem with les parfums provided they are applied sparingly and not in lieu of bathing. Furthermore, and maybe I’m kind of a snob about his, it should be the good stuff – you know, Chanel or Lanvin.

Perfumes, in the days when they were used regularly, also provided a direct association with the wearer. I liked going into a room that had been occupied by somebody I fancied who used a particular scent because the scent would remind me instantly of her, since the sense of smell is so powerfully evocative and reminiscent.

When I was a young guy and got involved in a heavy necking (or more) session with a girl who was perfumed I’d sometimes smell my shirt for days afterward just to bring her presence back. I suspect I wasn’t alone in doing that.

A young female friend many years ago used a scent I found particularly appealing. It was kind of citrusy and I immediately associated it with her when I detected it on anybody. It was called Anais-Anais, and it was an enticing fragrance. So, I bought a bottle of it for my ex-wife thinking in my perverse manner at the time it would remind me of my friend. By the way, my friend was emphatically not ‘that kind of a friend’. Anyway, my wife applied it but it was somehow different. I then found that due to body chemistry different scents do different things for different people.

As for me, years ago I was inclined to use colognes. Haven’t done so now in years. Quite frankly most male fragrances are kind of cloying and unpleasant and some, like Jade East of the old days are quite disgusting.

A bit of advice, however, for aspiring young swains who want to win a girl’s heart and whatever other bits they hanker after. Find out is she has a good relationship with her father, and then find out what sort of cologne or after-shave he uses, and use it.

I used to work with a rather sad and struggling alcoholic and we always knew when he was back on the sauce because he’d step up his cologne use to a disgusting level. I’d have preferred to smell the booze on his breath that he was trying to hide.

That all said, I still don’t mind a delicate and classy fragrance on a woman who has dabbed it where it should be dabbed. Just sayin’


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