I have often (with a sense of smug superiority) asserted that I do not watch so-called ‘reality’ shows. All I see are the preview trailers and your Big Brothers and Great Races and other such dreck seem populated by disagreeable, hostile folk of remarkably little appeal. I have no desire to spend time with such loathsome sorts. I would only watch one of those trapped-on-an-island things if I could be offered a surety that one (at least) of the participants would be killed.
Now, ‘that’s entertainment.’
But, I humble myself a bit here by confessing to be a liar and a hypocrite (not the first time) about the issue. There is a ‘reality’ show that I watch and absolutely love.
It’s Cops. “Bad boys-bad boys.”
And girls, I might add.
Cops so satisfies the voyeur in me and a perverse aspect of my nature. And that perverse aspect is that no matter how I might screw up in life (and it has happened, I confess) there are invariably people who are way worse than I am. I think that’s why, when I was a reporter, I loved having both the police and court beats. They were so entertaining.
This is not because I wish misfortune on people, for I don’t. I just believe that if you screw up bigtime there is a price to be paid. And maybe one of those prices is to enable others to feel just so much more functional than you are. There are worse goals in life than providing a bad example for others.
One other thing that Cops provides greater even than its entertainment value, is a dispelling of fear in the public. That is because the bad people depicted are really, really, really, really stupid. Key advice for the stupid is: Don’t commit crimes because you’re really bad at it.
The other thing Cops vividly points out is that ‘all’ suspects are pathological liars. They never own up. If they get caught with the drugs on their person they will feign disbelief and then will say assertively they are not theirs and they have no idea how they got there.
Something on Cops that also seems to be an aspect of a perp’s behavior is that neither males nor females seem to be familiar with the concept of wearing a belt. When they are apprehended – often after a chase – their pants are invariably near their knees offering the viewer a wide expanse of shorts or panties.
In closing I will offer some words of advice to people who might unwittingly find themselves at the end of a Cops lens:
– Don’t run. Fat fortyish police officers don’t like chasing you and when they get you they’ll be really pissed off.
– Tasering really hurts, so don’t risk it.
– Police dogs hurt even more.
– Get yourself a belt.
– Be really polite.
– Blame somebody else.
– You can’t drive very far on rims so if they’ve spike-belted your tires and they’re coming off in shreds, give the fuck up. I mean, really.
And I still think so 