So, do they still make foot-longs? Foot-longs, you know, tube-steaks with ambition. Meaning, if you are going to eat garbage meat, eat a good serving of garbage meat.
One of the highlights of Vancouver’s big annual summer carnival, also known as the Pacific National Exhibition, aside from the puke-inducing rides and young male fascination with the sideshow peelers to whose ‘charming’ company one wasn’t permitted access, was the ability to acquire a foot-long. The fragrance of fried onions pummeled the olfactory system the moment a guy was through the gates: “Please, Ma, can we get foot-longs?” She wisely and prudently responded, “Only after the rides, never before. Then, we’ll see.” Good enough, for ‘we’ll see’ in this case actually meant ‘yes’ rather than the normal meaning, which was ‘No, so you might as well forget about it.’
Eyes bigger than our tiny stomachs? Probably, but I seem to recall being about to scarf them down, and then begging for a second one. Never got a second one. Cotton candy chaser, or maybe caramel corn, but never a foot-long twosome.
Later, when I was in high school, my friends and I found a great little stand out on a country road on the way to a favorite fishing hole. It was about 20 miles from home, but we were driving by that time, so that wasn’t an inconvenience. Anyway, in the days before the fastfood network chains that have come to dominate communities everywhere from Vancouver to Vienna, this was just a little plywood place in farm country.
It was run by an old guy, and he turned out the absolute best foot-longs in the world. I think they were maybe about 50-cents each. To top it off, he also made cake donuts that were to die for. We’d stock up and then head on our way to the little network of beaver ponds where we (often unsuccessfully) tried to lure wary cutthroat trout to our lures. We didn’t really care if we were skunked because we were mainly after the foot-longs.
I don’t know if they still make foot-longs. I never see them advertised any more. Of course, I haven’t looked for them, either. But, if they do, I think I would advise kids that if they are going to eat crap anyway, why not eat crap with a great history.
And I still think so 